I'm sorry to those that have had plans for today but we couldn't carry them out. It has been so busy and tiring these past few days. When the other schools are having their holidays, we're back in school slogging our guts over projects and other activities.

I'm not really in a good mood. So, goodbye.

Earlier in the evening not too long ago, I was watching Tyra Banks' Show. Haha, yes, Tyra Banks. Apart from the excessive cleavage and the really poufy hair, it was actually quite a good episode.

The first half of the show, Kathy Griffin was on it. The second half, was Gene Simmons - the guy from KISS. It was quite an interesting interview, especially when he stuck out his tongue. Apparently, his son had also inherited his tongue. It's way funny. It reminded me of Danielle's too. Okay, apart from tongues, I think the family is ultra adorable - way better than Osbournes (x138762837). It's a plus also because Nick-Tweed Simmons is hot (and super-ultra tall). HAHA. Oh well :D

See, it's because I'm talking to Mitch & Serena online right now, I have a whole lot of bullshit to give. Yeah, and now they're terrorising my Myspace profile.

The song is already hooking onto me and inserting its spikes through the spores of my skin and into my brain.

Yeah, it's for Guitar Hero 3. I don't play it nor actually intend to play it. But hey, it's AFI!

Carcinogen Crush!

Right now, I'm in this weirdly calm mood. Did you know that it feels odd to be calm? Or maybe it's just me. I don't know, haha. So, I'm listening to a whole bunch of tracks by Embrace. Some of you might remember Gravity by them and none other tracks. Apparently, I suddenly had the urge to go listen to their songs. Somehow, they're leaving me in this odd, sedated state. Perhaps it's also because I've gotten my report book back. There is nothing glamorous about underlined scores and my L1R5. They're even uglier than Ugly Betty.

Okay, I was flipping channels between Channel 5 and MTV Asia. They were showing Ugly Betty and the Hip-Hop Countdown respectively. I caught a few glimpses of Chris Brown's new video as well as Lil Mama's too. It struck me that Lil Mama can dance pretty well, but her music is annoying. As for Chris Brown, he'd never really been in my list of favourite music, but yeah, he dances really well too (duh, understatement). Anyways, his new video was actually quite funny - mucho better than Wall to Wall.

Yeah, I really love Ayo Technology's background. I mean, hey, I'm not big on 50 Cent and his girls, bling and booze, but you can't deny that he's got great production in music.

Okay, so I've realised that I've got quite an unpleasant & unorthodox taste in music but hell, I'm the one listening to it, not you people.

Anyways, enough bullshit, I shall talk about yesterday.

Career Quest II made most of us unecessarily worried about our jobs in future and stuff. Yeah, suddenly, I've got a slight more motivation for studying. Uh, whatever. Okay, after school, Deborah and I went off to Raffles City to buy doughnuts because she had this weird and sudden craving for them. One-and-a-half hours of queueing up! Oddly enough, earlier that day during recess, I was telling Azidah how I wouldn't want to get them. Hahaha. Yeah, I'm never ever going to get them on my own. Okay anyways, while we were queueing, I received a text message from Kai, saying that Armchair Critic was going to perform at Evening of Music & Drama at Victoria Secondary. My first reaction : shock. Yeah. Haha, then I called up Li Zhi to ask about it, since he was in-charge of the whole EMD thing. The whole call was full of blahblahblah and then he finally stuttured something that I could comprehend.

I still don't understand why Singapore is so horribly and creepily small.

After our doughnuts (which were really good because they were fresh), we headed off to Far East. I'd actually wanted to get this brown printed shirt but it was too small. It had this heart-shaped design on the front which was soooooooooo similar to Davey Havok's tattoo. Hahaha.

So we scoured around Far East for good shirts but in the end, Deb left with her baby pink Beatles shirt and I got home empty-handed. Hahaha. Oh wells.

Yeah, I can't wait for next Thursday. After one more week, school will be over for the year. It's scary how I was looking at my report book and I suddenly realised we're turning Secondary Four next year. Sec One felt like just a while ago. Throughout the years in SC, people have left and the cohort is gradually but noticeably getting smaller. Yeah, I'm in a painful phase of reminiscence once again. Suddenly, I see a flash of yellow blinking in my head.

It must be that 1SY class tee.

I need to build up my classical music collection.

There was this Career Quest thing today. Apparently at most of the times, we were discussing about the personality test that we were given.

I'm Inspiring / Influencing.

They were actually quite accurate. I'm not so sure about the Inspiring part, but they definitely got the part about my greatest fear right - rejection.

Yeah, I'm such a loser, I worry about getting rejected.

But you have no idea how true it is and how much it haunts me to the extent of being overly-sensitive and paranoid.

I feel like Dory the fish from Finding Nemo.

WELLLLLL, on the whole, the Career Quest was pretty interesting, even when I found out that I'm most likely take on carrer paths of Elton John and Oprah Winfrey. Yes, go laugh all you want. Fifteen years down the road, I could be holding my own TV show, being a Gay Rights activist, playing the piano on stage and get knighted by Queen Eli.

..I WISH. HAHA.

MMHMM.
After CQ, was the recycling project at Bishan. My hands were black with carbon from the newspapers at the end of the day. Gross. But hey, it was pretty fun. At least Kai and I found another two people who seem to be interested in Deafcon 7 (in two weeks' time!).

Yeah yeah yeah.

Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid.

It's all I can think of myself at the moment.

I slacked off Geography and drifted off during E-Maths. Chinese didn't even happen because I was too busy freezing my ass off in the AVA room. Nah, actually, we were meeting the UNAS guy regarding the Darfur conflict thing. He's fifty-plus but still cool. I mean, how many fifty-year-olds in Singapore actually know about SEAN PAUL? HAHA.

Yeah people, read about Darfur.
You really have no idea how fortunate we are as compared to them.

It rained and the winds blew. I froze at the bus-stop and turned icy on the bus. The cold was stinging and I regretted sending my jacket to the washing machine.

I walked past the canal screaming Marilyn Manson's The Nobodies at the top of my lungs because there wasn't anyone else around.

I couldn't decide which corner to turn.

Perhaps I should have turned around and walked home.

Back to square one.

Yeah, so there's Deafcon VI tomorrow and there will be seven of us from the school going. I really need it. After all that I'm feeling right now, that should probably knock out the misery. Adrenaline.

Honestly, I still feel stupid.

Today I am dirty.
I want to be pretty.
Tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt.

Fear the Nobodies,
Wanna be Somebodies.
We're dead,
We know just who we are.

It was a long day at school today. Double Chemistry, double Biology and double Chinese. Chemistry was all about metals, Biology was all about "the Ring" and adrenaline whilst Chinese was all about doodling with Charlene. Hahaha.

Oh, and I've decided to drop out of the dance concert.
You know, suddenly, I don't feel the same passion for dance that I used to have. I don't feel it anymore. It's lost. Gone.

Anyways, after school today, I was supposed to meet Kyle at Parkway Parade to browse at eyeliners. I had lunch at Macs and met Brian and Zi Wei outside. Apparently, Zi Wei had invited Brian because of his Judo skills. Exaggerated, much?

Well, we met Kyle outside PP at about three plus. He'd tapped Zi Wei's shoulder and she freaked. Lol lol lol. Yeah, we actually found a proper stick of black pencil eyeliner quite fast. At first, it was quite awkward because Zi Wei kept her idiotic shades on and Brian looked somewhat uncomfortable. Hahaha.

I won't go in detail what we talked about but we spent a hell lot of time in Sakae Sushi because Brian wanted to eat and refused to eat at fast food chains. Overload of green tea, wasabi and pink plates. New discovery of iPods and music. Things were more or less warmed up over food, I guess. It was less awkward after that.

We did stupid things at Giant and Cold Storage subsequently. Crazy poses and Halloween candy. Damn, Zi Wei, you have to send me that picture. Hee. After that was Ig's Heavens' products and dark chocolate ice-cream.

Okay, after that, we sort of walked Kyle back on the way to the library because Zi Wei had to return some library books. Our thirty seconds of air-conditioning ended as we headed off, walking to Brian's house.

Zi Wei & Me: "WALIEW. WHERE'S YOUR FRIGGING HOUSE?!"
Brian: "Damn near!
Seriously! Just around that corner!"
Zi Wei: "BRIAN YOU LIAR. WHAT CORNER
SIA. TWO CORNERS!"
Brian: "What! I didn't lie! Near what!"
Me: "O rly?!
WTF. IT'S LIKE WE JUST DID 2.4KM RUN/WALK LA."
Brian: "Good what!
Excercise!. LET'S RUN :D"
Me: "Oh no, what the fuck."

Lol my goodness, those two kill me. Yeah, we had a sniff of Brian's smelly dog, never got to meet his cat and ended up stoning for twenty minutes at the pavillion in the park near his house. At the table there, there were a few cones sticking out. Apparently, they contained worms that I was flicking towards Brian.

It got really dark in a matter of minutes so Zi Wei and I started walking home.

The day was pretty fun, to be honest.
I'm just skipping the details because you wouldn't want to know what was being said.
:D

Yeah. These TNS people are awesome.

Today was actually quite alright. Post-examination's common timetables and free periods. Kai & I spent our first two free periods drawing people and guessing who they were. It suddenly struck me that a lot of people have long hair that is centre-parted. Intriguing.

During the Literature period, time was spent watching To Kill A Mockingbird. Black & white movie. Kai grimaced when I said that the boy acting as Jem looked quite adorable. Hahaha. Well, he had the best facial expressions in the movie. Especially that part where he saw Atticus shoot down the mad dog. Lol.

After recess, Kai was talking about Oujia Boards and the stuff that happened in her primary school when they tried it out. Crazy stuff happened. Creepy indeed. I guess we started talking about it because I'd tried asking about the store that she saw yesterday. A place that sold Wiccan & Pagan stuff.

After school, I'd gone off with Serena and Elaine to look at the store that Kai had told me about. It took us three tries at the top floor to look for the store because apparently, the door was closed -.-

Anyways, at that building, I got distracted by this music store that was blasting metal music. Elaine walked into some sports shop and Serena waited outside while I mindlessly wandered in. The shopkeeper was like "Eh, you're from SCGS?" So I nodded and exchanged a few words for a short conversation. He was amazingly nice - as compared to all the other shopkeepers that sold the skinny jeans at the basement as well as band tees. Actually, he was very nice. He said to see me soon again, I told him I would.. after I save up money to buy CDs :D

After that, Elaine went to browse at coloured skinny jeans. Honestly, those people are so.. unfriendly. Maybe it was because of the encounter with the metalhead storekeeper. Ah well. After her search for the pants, we went back up to the top floor to search for the store. This time, we found it. After attempting to open the door, the storekeeper finally came to open the door. He was a nice guy too. We were browsing through the bottles of essences where we discovered Dragon's Blood ( o_o ), Bat's Blood ( O_o) and a hell lot of herbs & spices at the top shelf. There were a few crystal balls, packs of Oracle cards (which I'm planning to get) and voodoo dolls (lol lol lol). There was a revolving rack which had several types of pendants being hung. There were Ankhs, Pentacles and the Triquetra (that symbol from the television series "Charmed"). The incenses were highly intoxicating. The moment we got out of the store, even the stale air in the building smelt fresh. Lol. But yeah, it was an intriguing place that played good choral music.

What a spiritual day.

Do you really want to know how I feel now?

All those times I used to write, you made me tear them up.
All those times you blamed me for something that someone else did wrong, I cried but dared not talk back.
All those times I tried explaining myself, I get reprimanded for talking back.
All those times you thought you were right, I kept quiet.
All those times when you never understood, I tried explaining.
All those times I succeeded, you insulted me.
All those times I gave my best, they were never enough for you.
All those times I tried, you shot them down.

So what the fuck do you want me to do? Can't you see that not everyone's made for this?

I've really gave it my all and you aren't happy. Even if I try telling you, you won't listen. Even if you listened, you'll never want to understand. Even if you understood, you'll never find it important.

So our faiths, our beliefs and our views clash. But why can't you see it from our perspectives? Are we not human, like you? Do we not have our own mindsets, our goals, our resolutions?

Do you think we're that ignorant? Do you think we're so dumb, so insensitive, too young?

Do you know what it's like to never be given the chance for vindication?

Do you think it's fun to wake up, sitting in your bed, staring into darkness, only to find that your subconcious is barely attached to your mortal flesh? So distant, so intangible, so apart, so different.

Do you know what it's like to feel like you've got nowhere to turn because the people who are said to be your closest have turned against you and never wanted to listen?

Do you know what it's like to stand in a corner, to be surrounded by everything that seems to be charging towards you and your only outlet is to scratch, to slit, to cry?

Do you know what it feels like to see your skin red from all the blood and lines and inside, you barely feel the pain that people see on the outside?

Barely.

You know, everyone goes through this. It's been a year.
It's been fifteen years.

Soon, it'll be another fifty.

These memories never leave.

But by then, you'll be so fucking dead in the crematorium.

This post is filled with incoherency.
Doesn't matter.
I feel like slitting someone's throat right now.
I want to see people burn.
I want witness your downfall.
I want to see you hurt.

Okay, I have been really hardworking - in cleaning my room. I'd finally sorted out the junk, the old and useless Lime magazines and folded out my clothes. I'd spent two freaking hours doing that in a really horribly air-conditioned bedroom of mine. Blearghs. Thankfully, it started raining very heavily in the afternoon, so the heat became less intense.

Anyways, I just did some colour quiz thing from this website : http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm
This link was taken from Li Zhi's blog where he had also, in turn, gotten from his friends'. I had to bold this part and mention him because he requested for special mention. Stupid person!

So here's the result (that is horrifyingly accurate).

"You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working."

So much for not succumbing to conformity. It mentions about the things I really want but not dare talk about. It mentions about what I really appreciate.. and a few not-so-pleasant stuff that I already know about myself.

Oh well.

Long day, today.

There was dance this morning and they ran through rehearsals. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm there for.

After dance, I went home to change and then met up with Zi Wei at the library because she needed Chemistry tutoring (like as if I'm good in Chemistry to begin with -.-). We did a hell lot on bonding and chemical equations. After that, she got distracted with all that Pete Wentz and Ryan Ross on her phone. She got so distracted that finally, we decided to head off to Parkway Parade. Oh and before we left, we saw Kai Ling at the third level. Shocking really, and embarrassing, because Zi Wei totally SCREAMED at Kai Ling. Mind you, it was a library.

Well anyways, at Parkway, we didn't really do much. I was reluctant to spend money after signing up for the Despair Faction and making a promise not to spend another dollar at HMV for the rest of the year. What's the link, you say? I don't know, it's now just the reluctance of spending money. Hahaha.

Oh-kay. After scooting home from Parkway, I had a change of outfit again. Thanks to the horrible heatwave and lousy air-conditioning, I've been dehydrating more than I've been rehydrated.

I met up with Serena at Suntec. She was such an idiot not to didn't tell me that she'd already gone into Music Clef. I wasted time walking to the escalators to find her -.- Okay, so she was there with Mitch who was lazily strumming on her acoustic guitar. Serena was stoning when this little boy when to hit the toms of the tiny drumset which she was almost leaning against. Quite funny, her reaction. Then we decided to play Sunburn on the piano. (So much for hanging out with another Muse fan..) Then we did a bit of Stockholm Syndrome and then Michael and Mitch's teacher came to watch. It turned out that her teacher was the one who was going to give the trial lessons for Serena & I. So he asked us to play a few grooves which we mostly screwed up the fill-ins. Hahaha. Then he asked us what kind of music we listen to. Suddenly, I realised that he was wearing an 18V (Eighteen Visions) shirt. I yelped. I couldn't help it. I mean, I did manage to talk to Trevor over myspace :D Then the stupid part came when he said he actually just bought the shirt because he thought it was nice. DAMN. So he asked me what kind of music the band plays. I told him that they used to be a sXe band and played HxC but have no idea what happened and they started playing slightly more melodic stuff. And he went, "YOU LISTEN TO HARDCORE?!" I stuttered and was like "uh, a wee bit?" Then he went on to a bit of metal, recommended Hatebreed and told us that Mitch had told him about my obsession with AFI. SHEESH. STUPID MITCH! Yeah, he also had a shock when he asked for our piano grades and told me to get out -.- Then when he tried arranging lessons with us, Serena & I said in unison "SHIT, DANCE!" And there he was again, "WHAT?! YOU TWO DANCE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Then Serena revealed her tights for proof. Lol.

Oh by the way, Mitch, you looked like a fly doing the loser sign on the door. Boey thought you loved him. He said he loves you too :D HAHAHA.

Okay, so the trial lesson was really short and we ended up hanging around Macs and found Michael and Mitch there too. So we Mike, Mitch and I rambled on & on about the day at TNS during the Mid-Autumn Fest. We also dug up a little dirt about some ex-TNS people and imitated Miss Teen South Carolina.

..and such as(s).

Well, I had dinner at Suntec in the end anyways. Too much ice-cream from Swensens. Sugar high. Goodnight.

The examinations ended yesterday. Though today and tomorrow are marking days, we still have to go back to school because the Chemistry teachers decided to call us back for a total of four hours worth of lectures.

After the lecture today, I went off with Deborah to HMV too look at stuff. After having finished lunch at Takashimaya, we headed off to Vivo City because we were bored. Plain bored. Or rather that she was craving for a Wonka Rope. Hahaha. We were at this bookstore flipping through a book of Gothic Lolita and Lolita styles. Intriguing. And there was this other book that had people with super cool hairstyles. Lol.

I can't wait till Nadine comes over and visit Vivo. Hehs :D

Okay, yesterday night, I finally did up the registering for Despair Faction. The only trouble is that I don't know if the address is going to work or that I can change the address after I get the package. The package will probably reach Nad in about two months, I think. Oh, the thrill! Actually, I guess the package won't matter as much as the membership itself.

Anyways, my piano teacher was late for lesson today. Three students waiting for him to arrive - Xiao You, Melda & I. In the end, Melda didn't have her lesson. Mr Ho got lazy and made Xiao You & I learn a short duet. It was pretty awkward at first because Xiao You's a year older than me and neither of us have ever tried playing duets. It was damn funny because neither of us were good at sight-reading. Mr Ho had such a hard time listening to us practising the wrong notes over and over again. It was HILARIOUS when we played together. He'd almost fainted. Like he used to say when I screwed up my pieces, "SCHUBERT'S GOING TO CHURN IN HIS GRAVE AFTER HEARING THIS."
Hee:D

It took me 25 minutes to walk home from Onan Road and start developing blisters because I was wearing my slippers. Well, I took a shorter way home, past the creepy old Grand Hotel. One of the lights were on. There was someone. I never knew that people were allowed there. Honestly, I feel that that is one cool place to hold a Halloween party. Hahahaha. It looks haunted to me.

One more paper to go.

Trish, Slow & I were talking about PSLE during the break between Chinese paper 2 & 3. It reminded me of kicking the guy sitting behind me because he used to stick his legs out and I preferred crossing my legs underneath the chair. It reminded me of how we used to memorise 造句 & 完成句子, how we did hundred plus grammar questions, doing well for Science, and how 袁静师 used to end her sentences with 哦s. Halfway doing paper 3, I suddenly had a faint recollection of how told us to strategise for 听力测验. Haha, what's the use. I fell asleep anyways.

It didn't help when I kept seeing the top of the TNS foolscap flashing in my head. Quite an odd thing to remember too.

One more thing I realised when I saw Ms Goh opening the windows of the classroom that we were doing our 听力测验 in. I'd never realised how huge the classrooms in TNS were as compared to SC. How longishly huge they used to be. Even in P6, with our artwork pinned to the notice boards. My stupid painting of a mountain. And the Chinese New Year decorations that we'd used to hang up on the ceiling. I also remembered that very day when the wind was so strong that it blew off a ceiling board. The hole remained there for two weeks. Hahaha.

But what has TNS become today?

I don't really want to answer that question. The old TNS students know the answer very well in their hearts. Well most, of them at least.

以诚代人，以毅处事。

[EDIT]

Ugh, when will people ever learn how to express their individuality with a decent dose of morality.

I'm offended because I saw a comment saying that joining Facebook is to conform to the social norm. People close to me should know very well that I'm a nonconformist. Such a comment really really irks me. & FYI, I started my account like 13 months ago when nobody in school had even heard of such a network. I mean, I've got nothing against it spreading like wildfire, but by saying that, I find it horribly offensive.

What's with people conforming to trends and social norms in attempt to fit in? Well, if you're really that way, I wouldn't give a hoot to what you're doing, but sometimes, it is so obvious that you're sticking out like a sore thumb yet you want to try so badly to fit in. Why not take a step back to realise the other people around you? Why is it a need to exist in herds & cliques? Why not be friends with everyone? It's all about human's fear of aloneness, isn't it? I don't feel that cliques are wrong, but to be in one to despise and look down on another clique, it's despicable.

What's with the Herd Behaviour? You people aren't fucking sheep.

Anyways, another thing to rant on about. Kai's going to get upset over this, but it really got on my nerves. I had a close look at Fall Out Boy's (not so) new video The Take Over, The Break's Over. What the hell is with the recruit of a bunch of teenagers wearing shirts that say SELLOUT? What the hell is with Pete Wentz's dog speaking for the band that they're not sellout? What's with the band even trying to tell the "world" that they're not sellout?

Okay, just to get this clear, I do NOT hate FOB or anything, but this video just got on my nerves - real bad. Neither am I trying to say that AFI is much better than them though they are to me because after all, it is my favourite band.

That whole video, was made to tell the world that FOB is not sellout. Tell me, what is the point of that. If the band spoke for themselves in some press conference or interview, it's still to a certain extent of tolerable, but to make a video and let the dog tell the story? One, the band is either desperate for people to stop calling them sellout because they find it derogatory and they themselves are admitting that they themselves think that they're sellout. That's plain crap. As musicians, shouldn't you all love your own music? Who cares what they have to say about your change in style of your new compositions? You live to play your own music. There will be people who will appreciate and accept the change. For those who can't, leave them be! It's like those old fans of AFI saying that their new material on Decemberunderground is crap, but yet they were able to gain many more fans. Yes, it's upsetting to see that some new fans are crappy teenyboppers who only know how to go "OMG. DAVEY/PETE/JADE IS SO HOT" and then totally neglect the rest of the band. It hurts to receive bad reviews and comments from critics. But AFI never had to come up with a crappy video to say that they're not sellout. Yes, things change, inevitably and we should accept it. But what if some other people are in denial? Stubbornly in denial? Do you think a stupid music video like that would change their opinion?

The answer is so obviously : NO.

So go bring your dog on a diet and leave the kids alone. Play your music, love your music, stop trying to brainwash people to like you back when they've moved on. It's time you moved on too.

[/EDIT]